1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:38,703 DEAD TIRED 4 00:00:48,495 --> 00:00:50,245 He was very anxious. 5 00:00:54,162 --> 00:00:57,870 He felt completely lost, so I decided to help him. 6 00:01:01,078 --> 00:01:04,078 It all began about a year ago. 7 00:01:05,662 --> 00:01:09,120 Morning, sir. Police. Inspector Galfier. 8 00:01:09,787 --> 00:01:12,245 - You are Michel Blanc? - Yes I am. 9 00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:14,495 - Why? - May we have a word? 10 00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:16,620 What's all this about? 11 00:01:16,912 --> 00:01:18,828 May we come in for a minute? 12 00:01:19,453 --> 00:01:20,662 Of course. 13 00:01:25,287 --> 00:01:27,495 - Is that Josiane Balasko? - Yes. 14 00:01:27,703 --> 00:01:30,328 She's well hot. She's a dyke, isn't she? 15 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:32,537 No, not at all. 16 00:01:32,745 --> 00:01:36,287 That's what my brother-in-law said. 17 00:01:36,953 --> 00:01:38,162 Cool! Dutronc! 18 00:01:38,953 --> 00:01:42,328 A cabbie claims you didn't pay him. 19 00:01:42,578 --> 00:01:45,287 Before appearing on Newsweek, 20 00:01:45,537 --> 00:01:46,995 you wanted a hooker. 21 00:01:47,287 --> 00:01:48,578 He took you to Rue St-Denis, 22 00:01:48,828 --> 00:01:50,912 waited, but you never came back. 23 00:01:51,203 --> 00:01:52,745 That's nonsense! 24 00:01:53,037 --> 00:01:54,203 It surprised us. 25 00:01:54,495 --> 00:01:57,037 I mean you made that gender-bender film... 26 00:01:57,745 --> 00:01:59,328 Ménage! 27 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:02,745 Right, listen. I haven't taken a cab for two weeks. 28 00:02:02,995 --> 00:02:05,828 I spent yesterday writing a screenplay for Carole Bouquet. 29 00:02:06,078 --> 00:02:07,412 - With her? - No. 30 00:02:07,703 --> 00:02:11,745 I haven't seen a hooker since '77. It's got to be a mistake. 31 00:02:27,912 --> 00:02:28,912 Michel! 32 00:02:38,995 --> 00:02:41,203 I'll see to it, sir. Thank you. 33 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,745 Hello, Mr Blanc. 34 00:02:44,287 --> 00:02:45,995 I have a suite reserved. 35 00:02:46,537 --> 00:02:47,662 Let me see. 36 00:02:47,912 --> 00:02:49,578 - One moment. - Give me a pen. 37 00:02:50,162 --> 00:02:53,620 Can I have an autograph? Put "To Teddy." 38 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,453 I've nothing in your name, sir. 39 00:02:57,078 --> 00:02:59,412 - What? - I'm sorry... 40 00:02:59,662 --> 00:03:01,578 Can I have another? For Fifi. 41 00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,620 Call the Festival. Get them to sort it out. 42 00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:06,245 A photo of us? 43 00:03:06,495 --> 00:03:07,870 Fetch Mr Jacob. 44 00:03:08,162 --> 00:03:09,037 Photo with my mate. 45 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,203 Stop breaking my balls! 46 00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:15,120 Loser! I won't watch you on TV again! 47 00:03:15,745 --> 00:03:17,745 Come on, Fifi. He's an arsehole. 48 00:03:18,453 --> 00:03:21,537 - We've a problem, sir. - This isn't the time. 49 00:03:22,037 --> 00:03:24,495 Michel! I thought you couldn't make it. 50 00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,995 - Who told you that? - Your agent. 51 00:03:27,245 --> 00:03:28,203 This is madness. 52 00:03:28,495 --> 00:03:30,495 He told us you were busy. 53 00:03:30,870 --> 00:03:33,495 What do I do now? Sleep on the beach? 54 00:03:33,745 --> 00:03:35,495 Is the hotel full? 55 00:03:35,787 --> 00:03:38,203 Mr Depardieu has gone to Bulgaria, 56 00:03:38,495 --> 00:03:40,328 but he's left his effects. 57 00:03:40,578 --> 00:03:41,537 Give me his suite. 58 00:03:41,828 --> 00:03:42,703 It's delicate. 59 00:03:42,953 --> 00:03:44,620 Old Gérard wouldn't mind. 60 00:03:44,912 --> 00:03:46,245 If Mr Jacob... 61 00:03:46,537 --> 00:03:48,953 It's the only solution. See you later. 62 00:03:49,245 --> 00:03:50,453 Right. 63 00:03:54,245 --> 00:03:57,078 Change the sheets. With Depardieu, I'd rather. 64 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,453 What room is she in? All right. 65 00:04:11,495 --> 00:04:13,037 Go on, open it. 66 00:04:19,995 --> 00:04:22,745 - Put it on Depardieu's tab. - Right, sir. 67 00:04:27,162 --> 00:04:29,995 Is that Mathilda? Michel Blanc here. 68 00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:31,745 How's things? 69 00:04:32,662 --> 00:04:34,037 I just got here. 70 00:04:34,745 --> 00:04:37,745 Are you alone? Do you have a minute? 71 00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:42,995 I've an idea for a part for you. I'd like to discuss it. 72 00:04:43,412 --> 00:04:45,578 It's a thing I'm working on. 73 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,870 See you shortly. 74 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,495 What's going on? 75 00:04:52,787 --> 00:04:54,370 Blanc's going to screw May. 76 00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:56,578 You're sick! 77 00:04:56,953 --> 00:04:58,453 You know I'm seeing someone. 78 00:04:58,703 --> 00:04:59,870 You can still relax. 79 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,703 I do that with him. 80 00:05:01,995 --> 00:05:04,245 He isn't here. You frigid or something? 81 00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:05,578 Just stop! 82 00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:09,620 Stop! I don't want to be mean, 83 00:05:10,453 --> 00:05:12,787 but I've never found you attractive. 84 00:05:13,453 --> 00:05:16,328 You're really weird. It's your loss. 85 00:05:19,703 --> 00:05:20,662 Michel! 86 00:05:20,912 --> 00:05:23,953 Michel. How are you? I didn't know you were in Cannes. 87 00:05:24,245 --> 00:05:26,412 I have a part for you. 88 00:05:26,662 --> 00:05:28,412 I'd like to discuss it. 89 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,287 - Now? - It's urgent. 90 00:05:30,578 --> 00:05:32,203 Hi Michel! All right? 91 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,787 You're here, too? 92 00:05:35,037 --> 00:05:36,870 I'll come back later. 93 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,453 Don't be silly! 94 00:05:38,745 --> 00:05:41,412 Things don't look too good. I'll come back. 95 00:05:43,703 --> 00:05:45,203 - Hands off! - Sure? 96 00:05:45,453 --> 00:05:47,245 Yes. Stop it! 97 00:05:47,537 --> 00:05:49,203 What if I don't? 98 00:05:49,453 --> 00:05:50,787 Stop! 99 00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:55,120 You disappoint me, my girl. It's all so petty. 100 00:05:56,453 --> 00:05:58,745 What's got into you? 101 00:06:00,078 --> 00:06:03,537 I'm a bit down at the moment. I feel so alone. 102 00:06:04,495 --> 00:06:07,287 As soon as I wake up, I feel like bawling. 103 00:06:08,037 --> 00:06:10,537 I was looking at my balcony earlier. 104 00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,995 Thinking I might as well jump. 105 00:06:13,412 --> 00:06:16,120 With a bit of luck, I'd land on a Rolls. 106 00:06:16,287 --> 00:06:18,370 I've always loved English cars. 107 00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,037 Don't you have a girlfriend? 108 00:06:21,328 --> 00:06:24,120 That's just it. She left me for Patrick Bruel. 109 00:06:24,870 --> 00:06:26,203 I didn't know. 110 00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,287 I'm sorry I slapped you. 111 00:06:29,703 --> 00:06:31,245 No hard feelings. 112 00:06:32,203 --> 00:06:35,995 I've got a lump in my throat. Got any champagne? 113 00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:38,620 With 2 Temestas, it might do the trick. 114 00:06:38,870 --> 00:06:40,537 I'll go see. 115 00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:48,745 Only half bottles. 116 00:06:48,995 --> 00:06:50,578 That's fine. Give me two. 117 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:03,078 The winners will receive 118 00:07:03,412 --> 00:07:07,620 the weight of Miss Festival's breasts in video cassettes! 119 00:07:10,745 --> 00:07:12,828 And that's not all, folks! 120 00:07:13,245 --> 00:07:16,245 Cassettes signed by the one and only Michel Blanc! 121 00:07:19,537 --> 00:07:22,537 Thank you. I think it's high time 122 00:07:22,787 --> 00:07:26,120 we asked Michel Blanc to step up on the stage 123 00:07:26,370 --> 00:07:27,745 and give his verdict. 124 00:07:27,995 --> 00:07:30,995 Put your hands together for... Michel Blanc! 125 00:07:41,537 --> 00:07:43,703 That's enough. I don't have all night. 126 00:07:44,245 --> 00:07:48,245 I'll start at the end. In tenth position: Nadine. 127 00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:55,828 Here's twenty grand. Count it. 128 00:07:56,287 --> 00:07:57,828 What about my meal? 129 00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,370 You turned up late. 130 00:07:59,662 --> 00:08:02,995 I had dinner at the Carlton. If you could reimburse me... 131 00:08:04,078 --> 00:08:05,703 Is 500 francs all right? 132 00:08:06,245 --> 00:08:09,120 My dinner cost more. The Carlton isn't cheap. 133 00:08:09,953 --> 00:08:12,078 If that's the best you can do... 134 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,162 It's fabulous! How I can I thank you? 135 00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:20,870 I'll think of something, Karine! 136 00:08:21,745 --> 00:08:22,995 It is Karine? 137 00:08:24,078 --> 00:08:26,203 - Where are we going? - Not far. 138 00:08:26,495 --> 00:08:28,745 Ever wanted to be in movies? 139 00:08:28,995 --> 00:08:31,412 We had plans. He'd sent me the script. 140 00:08:31,703 --> 00:08:34,995 But Emmanuelle Béart told me he'd promised her the role. 141 00:08:35,245 --> 00:08:38,578 I decided to discuss it with Michel... calmly. 142 00:08:48,703 --> 00:08:51,703 You bastard! I'll blow your brains out! 143 00:09:00,703 --> 00:09:01,703 Cut! 144 00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:03,870 Perfect, Carole! 145 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,287 Thanks! 146 00:09:05,662 --> 00:09:06,912 See you tomorrow! 147 00:09:07,995 --> 00:09:09,453 Ah, the gun! 148 00:09:10,370 --> 00:09:12,662 - How are you? - That depends on you. 149 00:09:12,912 --> 00:09:15,828 Drive me home. We can chat on the way. 150 00:09:19,745 --> 00:09:21,870 I've something to ask you. 151 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,037 Am I the only one you offered the part to? 152 00:09:25,287 --> 00:09:27,245 Of course. Why? 153 00:09:27,495 --> 00:09:31,287 Emmanuelle Béart said you'd told her about it in Cannes. 154 00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:33,995 This year? Didn't go near the place. 155 00:09:50,412 --> 00:09:51,203 Hello. 156 00:09:59,578 --> 00:10:00,995 Do you recognize me? 157 00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:04,203 No, sorry. 158 00:10:04,787 --> 00:10:07,037 Last week at Denise's. Remember? 159 00:10:08,703 --> 00:10:11,203 No, not at all. I don't know a Denise. 160 00:10:12,370 --> 00:10:14,745 The swingers' club in Les Halles! 161 00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:18,328 My wife was in a blue thong. 162 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,453 It doesn't ring any bells. 163 00:10:22,787 --> 00:10:24,078 You are Michel Blanc? 164 00:10:24,328 --> 00:10:25,703 I'm not your guy. 165 00:10:26,453 --> 00:10:28,287 I get it! 166 00:10:28,537 --> 00:10:31,412 Pally at orgies, but not in front of your missus! 167 00:10:33,287 --> 00:10:35,828 Next time, even if it's Mickey Rourke, 168 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,828 no one's screwing my wife! 169 00:10:41,037 --> 00:10:43,662 I don't know the guy! Sorry, Carole. 170 00:10:44,453 --> 00:10:46,412 Don't worry. I'm discreet. 171 00:10:46,662 --> 00:10:48,328 I won't tell a soul. 172 00:10:49,787 --> 00:10:51,328 I don't go to such places. 173 00:10:52,037 --> 00:10:55,537 Your private life is your affair. First right. 174 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:03,828 Thanks. 175 00:11:05,745 --> 00:11:07,078 Goodbye, Michel. 176 00:11:10,995 --> 00:11:13,245 I like your idea. Get to work. 177 00:11:13,537 --> 00:11:14,912 Forget such dubious places. 178 00:11:15,245 --> 00:11:16,412 Carole, honestly... 179 00:11:16,745 --> 00:11:19,037 Relax, Michel. I was joking! 180 00:11:20,828 --> 00:11:21,995 He called me at 2am. 181 00:11:22,245 --> 00:11:24,412 To talk about Carole, I thought. 182 00:11:24,662 --> 00:11:28,120 But he said: "I'm down. How about a drink at Régine's?" 183 00:11:31,495 --> 00:11:33,453 I realized something wasn't right. 184 00:11:47,328 --> 00:11:48,162 Good evening! 185 00:11:50,495 --> 00:11:54,120 I told you if you came back I'd smash you in the face! 186 00:11:54,537 --> 00:11:55,662 Take that! 187 00:11:56,453 --> 00:11:58,495 What are you're doing? You're crazy! 188 00:11:58,745 --> 00:12:00,787 I told you not to come back. 189 00:12:01,162 --> 00:12:04,745 I'm willing to forget what happened, but don't come back. 190 00:12:07,328 --> 00:12:09,912 What's this? Candid Camera? 191 00:12:14,787 --> 00:12:15,912 I didn't know. 192 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,537 My son never talks. 193 00:12:17,787 --> 00:12:19,328 He does, you don't listen. 194 00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:21,745 I soon realized something was up. 195 00:12:22,078 --> 00:12:22,995 Right! 196 00:12:28,162 --> 00:12:31,620 Am I glad to see you! I'm dying for a pee. 197 00:12:31,870 --> 00:12:32,870 Why are you here? 198 00:12:33,162 --> 00:12:34,787 I've got your rabbit pâté. 199 00:12:35,037 --> 00:12:36,828 - What pâté? - The one you asked for. 200 00:12:37,078 --> 00:12:38,703 Come on! I'm bursting! 201 00:12:38,953 --> 00:12:40,620 I never asked Mum for anything! 202 00:12:40,912 --> 00:12:43,287 Take the pâté. Don't argue! 203 00:12:45,453 --> 00:12:47,453 What will I do with all this? 204 00:12:47,703 --> 00:12:50,745 What do you think? Perfume your wardrobes? 205 00:12:50,995 --> 00:12:52,787 I hardly ever eat at home. 206 00:12:53,037 --> 00:12:55,953 It's easier to blow your cash in a restaurant! 207 00:12:56,203 --> 00:12:58,787 You obviously don't sweat for your money! 208 00:13:01,453 --> 00:13:05,495 Hey! You still haven't fixed the loo. 209 00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:07,703 Forgot to call the plumber. 210 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,120 You don't need a plumber. It'll only take a minute. 211 00:13:11,412 --> 00:13:13,037 I don't have the time! 212 00:13:13,287 --> 00:13:15,245 I'll fix it myself. 213 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:18,412 Forget it! I'll see to it tomorrow. 214 00:13:18,662 --> 00:13:20,912 My eye! Where are your tools? 215 00:13:21,162 --> 00:13:23,328 Why would I have tools? 216 00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:25,745 - To fix the flush. - I don't have any. 217 00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:29,245 I'll fix it with a fork. Unless you don't have any, 218 00:13:29,495 --> 00:13:31,453 because you always eat out! 219 00:13:31,703 --> 00:13:34,787 Bring me the pâté! I'll put it in the fridge. 220 00:13:40,328 --> 00:13:42,078 When did I ask Mum? 221 00:13:42,328 --> 00:13:46,078 Last week, when you bumped into her in the street. 222 00:13:47,037 --> 00:13:50,287 You're losing your mind, lad! 223 00:13:50,662 --> 00:13:52,662 Have you got a nut-cracker? 224 00:13:52,953 --> 00:13:54,870 I don't know. Look in there. 225 00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:58,037 - Last week? - That's right. 226 00:13:58,495 --> 00:14:00,370 You need a rest, son! 227 00:14:00,662 --> 00:14:03,912 Your mum did tell me you weren't yourself. 228 00:14:04,162 --> 00:14:08,287 You didn't even recognize her. She had to run after you! 229 00:14:08,537 --> 00:14:11,662 You ought to settle down with a nice woman. 230 00:14:11,912 --> 00:14:14,912 Instead of having it away with all those singers! 231 00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:19,745 Pour me a glass of white wine! Make yourself useful! 232 00:14:21,703 --> 00:14:25,495 Something funny is going on. Something isn't right! 233 00:14:26,828 --> 00:14:28,495 He seemed strange. 234 00:14:28,745 --> 00:14:30,412 He's unbearable when he writes. 235 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:33,870 He doesn't associate with the sort... one ought to! 236 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:38,037 He spends all his time in clubs. But that's nothing unusual. 237 00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:42,745 How's the script going? 238 00:14:43,453 --> 00:14:45,370 Not a line since last time. 239 00:14:46,495 --> 00:14:48,620 I bet you'll give up again. 240 00:14:48,912 --> 00:14:52,203 Nothing since Marche à l'ombre. That was 7 years ago. 241 00:14:52,620 --> 00:14:54,578 Why the writer's block? 242 00:14:55,703 --> 00:14:58,162 Weird things are happening. 243 00:14:58,412 --> 00:15:02,037 Everything's going to go tits over arse, I can feel it. 244 00:15:02,328 --> 00:15:05,412 You do too much at once. It can't go on. 245 00:15:05,995 --> 00:15:09,995 You're well paid. Why do appearances in clubs? 246 00:15:11,537 --> 00:15:12,912 What appearances? 247 00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,787 I don't care if you demand cash. 248 00:15:16,037 --> 00:15:19,412 But for your image... it's lousy! 249 00:15:19,787 --> 00:15:21,828 I never do appearances! 250 00:15:22,245 --> 00:15:23,453 Someone saw you. 251 00:15:23,745 --> 00:15:24,870 Want to kill me? 252 00:15:25,412 --> 00:15:27,912 Want to drive me insane? What is this? 253 00:15:28,203 --> 00:15:29,412 Why get in a state? 254 00:15:29,703 --> 00:15:31,287 Everything's pissing me off! 255 00:15:31,537 --> 00:15:35,037 People are pissing me off. My dad is, and so are you! 256 00:15:37,953 --> 00:15:41,703 May I be honest with you? I don't think you're well. 257 00:15:41,953 --> 00:15:43,120 You look awful. 258 00:15:43,412 --> 00:15:45,328 You do 50 things at once! 259 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,078 Don't you start! 260 00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:49,578 Why not work at my place? 261 00:15:49,828 --> 00:15:52,120 It's a big house. You'd be independent. 262 00:15:52,370 --> 00:15:54,037 It's so peaceful there. 263 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,328 It's in the Tenere? 264 00:15:56,745 --> 00:15:59,245 The Luberon. It's a lovely spot. 265 00:15:59,495 --> 00:16:00,620 I can't write there! 266 00:16:00,912 --> 00:16:02,120 It'd do you good. 267 00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:04,453 She's right. In 3 months' time, 268 00:16:04,703 --> 00:16:07,328 you'll have finished the screenplay. 269 00:16:07,578 --> 00:16:11,245 In 3 months' time, I'll have lost my tongue! 270 00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:14,453 Give it some thought. I'll rent a TV. 271 00:16:15,537 --> 00:16:17,328 There isn't even a TV? 272 00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:21,037 I've had a rough patch, but things are on the up. 273 00:16:21,412 --> 00:16:22,787 I can feel it. 274 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:23,953 Let's go! 275 00:16:42,453 --> 00:16:44,995 What do you want? 276 00:16:45,245 --> 00:16:46,578 Are you Michel Blanc? 277 00:16:46,828 --> 00:16:49,620 I don't know, it's too early! Who are you? 278 00:16:50,162 --> 00:16:53,162 Police. I arrest jokers! Search the place! 279 00:16:58,828 --> 00:17:00,162 Check the bedroom. 280 00:17:08,787 --> 00:17:11,495 I'm warning you, I know Bernard Kouchner! 281 00:17:14,495 --> 00:17:16,203 What are you accused of? 282 00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,328 I don't bloody know! 283 00:17:33,037 --> 00:17:36,620 So you left Carole Bouquet's home around 1am, did you? 284 00:17:36,870 --> 00:17:37,662 Yes! 285 00:17:37,953 --> 00:17:39,203 You came straight home? 286 00:17:39,495 --> 00:17:41,828 Yes! I went straight to bed. 287 00:17:42,037 --> 00:17:44,370 Let me tell you a secret, Mr Blanc. 288 00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:47,495 I've always wanted to nab an actor. 289 00:17:47,745 --> 00:17:49,578 And I soon will! 290 00:17:49,828 --> 00:17:52,537 Have a little think. It'll save time. 291 00:17:52,787 --> 00:17:53,787 Face to face! 292 00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:08,453 Why are you here? 293 00:18:10,287 --> 00:18:12,537 What do you think? Bloody sod! 294 00:18:13,995 --> 00:18:17,245 - Josie, what's the matter? - As if you don't know! 295 00:18:17,495 --> 00:18:20,287 - Relax! - You bloody pig! 296 00:18:20,578 --> 00:18:21,578 Bastard! 297 00:18:21,953 --> 00:18:24,245 Leave a bit for me. Sit him down. 298 00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:26,995 What is this? 299 00:18:27,287 --> 00:18:29,745 Be reasonable. Or my hand might slip. 300 00:18:30,037 --> 00:18:31,078 It's your choice. 301 00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:34,078 Mrs Balasko, please repeat what you told us. 302 00:18:34,370 --> 00:18:37,328 It was about three in the morning. 303 00:18:37,578 --> 00:18:40,328 The doorbell rang. I was home alone. 304 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,912 I saw this prick, and let him in. How was I to know! 305 00:18:44,328 --> 00:18:48,078 Before I knew it, he'd tied me up and screwed me! 306 00:18:48,370 --> 00:18:50,328 If you can call it that! 307 00:18:51,328 --> 00:18:52,120 You're mad! 308 00:18:52,412 --> 00:18:56,245 Don't think I came! I faked it to get rid of you! 309 00:18:56,495 --> 00:18:57,870 This is a nightmare. 310 00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,995 You still deny it? Lock him up! 311 00:19:00,287 --> 00:19:01,495 Let's be having you! 312 00:19:01,912 --> 00:19:03,995 Bloody pervert! 313 00:19:04,370 --> 00:19:05,828 It's a misunderstanding! 314 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:09,328 It always is! Life is one big misunderstanding! 315 00:19:14,328 --> 00:19:15,162 No! 316 00:19:15,912 --> 00:19:19,162 Look, we're getting a better sort of crowd! 317 00:19:19,912 --> 00:19:23,620 Maybe we got the wrong club. Maybe we're at Bains-Douches. 318 00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:26,578 Say hello, then. You're more chatty on TV. 319 00:19:26,828 --> 00:19:30,037 Maybe it's us. We're not good enough for him. 320 00:19:30,287 --> 00:19:31,620 Is that it? 321 00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:35,828 Why are you here, love? To what do we owe the honour? 322 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,162 I did nothing! 323 00:19:37,412 --> 00:19:38,995 Don't take us for mugs! 324 00:19:39,287 --> 00:19:40,787 I'm innocent. 325 00:19:41,078 --> 00:19:43,287 We're innocent, too. 326 00:19:43,537 --> 00:19:46,287 The world's full of innocent men, so are the prisons. 327 00:19:46,578 --> 00:19:48,953 I'm an innocent killer. 328 00:19:49,203 --> 00:19:52,412 Dédé here is an innocent arsonist. 329 00:19:53,787 --> 00:19:55,578 What about you, Mimi? 330 00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:57,953 Mind if I call you Mimi? 331 00:19:58,453 --> 00:20:00,120 - You're hurting me. - I'm not! 332 00:20:00,412 --> 00:20:01,662 Stop or I'll shout! 333 00:20:01,912 --> 00:20:04,662 No one will come! It's time for What a night! 334 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:05,912 The cops are busy. 335 00:20:06,287 --> 00:20:07,787 You're hurting me! 336 00:20:09,203 --> 00:20:10,620 Do you know why? 337 00:20:10,953 --> 00:20:12,245 Because you're tense. 338 00:20:12,495 --> 00:20:15,995 Just relax a little. You won't feel a thing. 339 00:20:16,537 --> 00:20:17,953 Leave me alone! 340 00:20:18,245 --> 00:20:20,120 What a bundle of nerves! 341 00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:21,620 You're so tense! 342 00:20:21,870 --> 00:20:24,037 He could do with a good fuck! 343 00:20:24,328 --> 00:20:26,370 You're crazy! I'll scream! 344 00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:28,620 It'd boost your career! 345 00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:30,828 It's pretty limp right now. 346 00:20:31,078 --> 00:20:32,870 You don't deserve your salary. 347 00:20:33,162 --> 00:20:35,203 Just imagine the publicity! 348 00:20:35,495 --> 00:20:38,578 "Comedian sodomised in police custody"! 349 00:20:38,828 --> 00:20:40,578 You'd get an honorary César! 350 00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:41,703 Help! 351 00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:43,662 Nominated! 352 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,662 I want out! 353 00:20:47,953 --> 00:20:50,537 You're free. The charges have been dropped. 354 00:20:50,828 --> 00:20:53,620 Get out of here! You were lucky this time. 355 00:20:53,912 --> 00:20:56,662 But something tells me we'll meet again. 356 00:20:59,745 --> 00:21:02,245 The visitors' book. Sign it for us? 357 00:21:02,537 --> 00:21:04,495 Loads of your mates have. 358 00:21:10,328 --> 00:21:13,287 You're here? Waiting to slap me? 359 00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:17,495 - Did I rape you, too? - What are you talking about? 360 00:21:17,787 --> 00:21:20,037 They wanted to know what time you left. 361 00:21:20,328 --> 00:21:21,953 What's going on? 362 00:21:22,287 --> 00:21:24,745 I don't know. I'm dead tired. 363 00:21:25,037 --> 00:21:27,703 I need treatment. I want to see a shrink. 364 00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:31,287 No! Out the back. The place is swarming with hacks. 365 00:21:32,495 --> 00:21:35,953 It's too late to see a shrink. You can go tomorrow. 366 00:21:36,245 --> 00:21:39,203 I'm going to casualty. I want to be admitted. 367 00:21:39,495 --> 00:21:41,412 - I'll drive you. - Certainly not! 368 00:21:41,662 --> 00:21:44,120 Go, Carole! I could be a monster! 369 00:21:55,953 --> 00:21:56,953 See? 370 00:21:57,995 --> 00:21:59,412 See who it is? 371 00:22:01,037 --> 00:22:02,578 Emergency psychiatry? 372 00:22:02,870 --> 00:22:05,412 End lift, 3rd floor. You can't miss it. 373 00:22:34,578 --> 00:22:36,453 - Aren't you Carole Bouquet? - Yes! 374 00:22:38,412 --> 00:22:40,203 Can I have an autograph? 375 00:22:40,495 --> 00:22:42,703 Of course. If I can find some paper. 376 00:22:45,703 --> 00:22:49,120 - Wait a second. - This isn't the time, madam. 377 00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,370 If it's a girl, 378 00:22:52,662 --> 00:22:55,370 I'll call her Carole! 379 00:23:07,745 --> 00:23:08,662 Is this it? 380 00:23:12,912 --> 00:23:14,787 I reckon it is. 381 00:23:22,287 --> 00:23:24,662 Mr Blanc, I don't think you're Dr Jekyll 382 00:23:24,953 --> 00:23:28,037 or Mr Hyde. 383 00:23:28,328 --> 00:23:30,078 Simply an overworked actor, 384 00:23:30,370 --> 00:23:32,870 who sometimes plays another Michel Blanc... 385 00:23:34,870 --> 00:23:36,370 but hides it from himself. 386 00:23:36,662 --> 00:23:38,537 - I'm completely mad? - No! 387 00:23:38,787 --> 00:23:41,203 I think you need a rest. 388 00:23:41,495 --> 00:23:44,453 I'm going to give you some little pills 389 00:23:44,745 --> 00:23:48,828 which will help you turn all this into a bad memory. 390 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,370 Do you have a place in the country 391 00:23:51,662 --> 00:23:54,453 where you could rest for a few weeks? 392 00:23:54,703 --> 00:23:57,287 Yes! I've got a place in the Luberon. 393 00:23:57,620 --> 00:24:00,787 That's perfect! I've lots of patients there. 394 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:01,912 There we go! 395 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:10,495 Have a good rest. And carry on making us laugh! 396 00:24:12,995 --> 00:24:15,578 Take a gun. One never knows. 397 00:24:42,787 --> 00:24:45,620 It won't do any good. I'm not tired. 398 00:24:45,870 --> 00:24:48,620 You can be so negative! 399 00:24:48,870 --> 00:24:51,287 I'm anxious. With good reason, no? 400 00:24:51,578 --> 00:24:52,537 No! 401 00:24:53,287 --> 00:24:54,287 Is that so? 402 00:24:55,287 --> 00:24:58,912 I don't recall raping Balasko. I'm wrong to be anxious? 403 00:24:59,203 --> 00:25:02,495 I'd understand you if she didn't remember! 404 00:25:02,787 --> 00:25:05,870 That's right, make fun of me! It's in poor taste. 405 00:25:06,162 --> 00:25:09,328 I'm only trying to help you relax. 406 00:25:09,703 --> 00:25:11,953 How can I? I don't know what's happening. 407 00:25:12,203 --> 00:25:15,162 Why try to understand everything? 408 00:25:15,453 --> 00:25:16,578 Accept the mystery. 409 00:25:17,370 --> 00:25:19,412 Mysteries can be beautiful, too. 410 00:25:19,995 --> 00:25:22,537 Working with Buñuel turned you into a mystic! 411 00:25:22,828 --> 00:25:24,328 It wouldn't have harmed you! 412 00:25:26,245 --> 00:25:27,287 Meaning? 413 00:25:27,578 --> 00:25:29,578 Forget it. Take your pills. 414 00:25:32,662 --> 00:25:34,620 It's true you're a cold woman. 415 00:25:35,078 --> 00:25:38,162 And you're a royal pain in the ass, Michel! 416 00:26:08,537 --> 00:26:11,953 Michel! Wake up. We're here. 417 00:26:12,703 --> 00:26:15,495 Well? What do you think? 418 00:26:29,245 --> 00:26:30,412 Right! 419 00:26:31,412 --> 00:26:33,578 Even worse than I expected. 420 00:26:51,703 --> 00:26:55,120 How could anyone write a comedy in this place? 421 00:26:58,662 --> 00:27:01,328 - Well? - Couldn't hear a thing. 422 00:27:01,953 --> 00:27:04,203 Hasn't touched his food. Just the scotch 423 00:27:04,453 --> 00:27:05,953 and his pills! 424 00:27:06,203 --> 00:27:07,745 You should go see. 425 00:27:08,037 --> 00:27:11,162 He hasn't emerged for three days. It isn't normal. 426 00:27:12,495 --> 00:27:14,620 I don't want to disturb him. 427 00:27:14,912 --> 00:27:16,578 He'll eat when he's hungry. 428 00:27:18,620 --> 00:27:20,245 Maybe he'll never eat again. 429 00:27:20,495 --> 00:27:21,745 What do you mean? 430 00:27:21,995 --> 00:27:25,162 Alcohol and drugs don't make happy bedfellows! 431 00:27:25,412 --> 00:27:27,412 Only nasty suicides. 432 00:27:27,662 --> 00:27:29,495 Why would he kill himself? 433 00:27:30,078 --> 00:27:31,870 He wasn't very cheery. 434 00:27:32,162 --> 00:27:33,953 You like tragedy! 435 00:27:34,203 --> 00:27:36,162 Life made me that way. 436 00:27:37,078 --> 00:27:39,662 Reminds me of poor cousin Albert. 437 00:27:39,953 --> 00:27:41,995 He was small and ugly, too. 438 00:27:42,287 --> 00:27:44,662 One day we found him hanging! 439 00:27:44,912 --> 00:27:47,370 Stop talking nonsense! 440 00:27:53,662 --> 00:27:55,662 You've scared me. 441 00:27:59,120 --> 00:27:59,912 Michel! 442 00:28:09,037 --> 00:28:10,703 Are you okay? 443 00:28:13,537 --> 00:28:15,203 See, it isn't normal! 444 00:28:15,495 --> 00:28:17,537 Something terrible has happened! 445 00:28:17,787 --> 00:28:19,620 Keep an eye on lunch! 446 00:28:22,662 --> 00:28:24,620 Michel, I'm coming in. 447 00:28:44,453 --> 00:28:46,703 - Michel! - It isn't me! 448 00:28:48,745 --> 00:28:49,578 All right? 449 00:28:49,912 --> 00:28:52,287 - Where am I? - In the Luberon. 450 00:28:52,953 --> 00:28:54,745 You don't recognize me? 451 00:28:55,037 --> 00:28:56,120 What? 452 00:28:56,745 --> 00:28:58,662 - You're in the country. - I can't hear. 453 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:00,995 You're at my place. 454 00:29:01,495 --> 00:29:02,787 What time is it? 455 00:29:03,078 --> 00:29:04,037 2pm. 456 00:29:04,328 --> 00:29:05,787 Why the earplugs? 457 00:29:06,037 --> 00:29:07,995 - There's no noise. - Precisely! 458 00:29:08,620 --> 00:29:10,537 The silence wakes me up! 459 00:29:12,078 --> 00:29:14,745 Sorry to intrude, but I was worried. 460 00:29:15,037 --> 00:29:16,703 You're not eating. 461 00:29:16,995 --> 00:29:18,162 I'm in knots. 462 00:29:18,453 --> 00:29:21,578 Because you're shut up in here. It's so gloomy. 463 00:29:21,912 --> 00:29:23,120 Why not work outside? 464 00:29:23,412 --> 00:29:26,370 No one has ever written outside! 465 00:29:26,662 --> 00:29:27,703 The light is lovely! 466 00:29:27,995 --> 00:29:30,370 - I'm not a painter! - Of course not. 467 00:29:30,703 --> 00:29:33,745 You should open the shutters, enjoy the view. 468 00:29:34,370 --> 00:29:35,620 The view distresses me! 469 00:29:35,995 --> 00:29:37,912 It so bloody grim! 470 00:29:38,620 --> 00:29:41,078 The sun might cheer you up. 471 00:29:41,412 --> 00:29:43,203 That'd be a first! 472 00:29:43,995 --> 00:29:45,245 Mind out! 473 00:29:54,078 --> 00:29:57,120 I've made a Provencal stew. 474 00:29:57,370 --> 00:30:00,037 Would a Saint Joseph go with it? 475 00:30:00,245 --> 00:30:03,578 It'll go with the stew, but as for me... 476 00:30:03,870 --> 00:30:06,287 How can I work after a stew? 477 00:30:06,578 --> 00:30:07,537 It won't change much. 478 00:30:07,787 --> 00:30:09,787 You wrote nothing yesterday. 479 00:30:10,328 --> 00:30:13,537 I get it! You want a return on your investment! 480 00:30:14,328 --> 00:30:16,328 Tell me how much I owe you! 481 00:30:16,870 --> 00:30:20,495 Don't take it that way. I'm just trying to be nice. 482 00:30:20,787 --> 00:30:21,703 I see! 483 00:30:21,995 --> 00:30:24,578 Why are you being so nice? 484 00:30:24,870 --> 00:30:26,453 Tell me, Carole Bouquet... 485 00:30:26,703 --> 00:30:28,995 do you intend to screw a comedian? 486 00:30:29,953 --> 00:30:31,662 Got your answer? 487 00:30:32,078 --> 00:30:33,912 - Loud and clear! - Perfect! 488 00:30:34,245 --> 00:30:36,245 Take a shower, get dressed 489 00:30:36,537 --> 00:30:39,162 and drop the Woody Allen act! 490 00:30:39,453 --> 00:30:41,995 Anxious clowns piss me off! 491 00:30:43,287 --> 00:30:46,120 You've got 20 minutes! Is that clear? 492 00:30:46,412 --> 00:30:47,203 All right. 493 00:30:48,037 --> 00:30:49,745 And we're eating outside! 494 00:30:50,453 --> 00:30:52,495 It might do me some good. 495 00:30:56,203 --> 00:30:58,495 Delicious stew, Carole. I mean it. 496 00:30:58,787 --> 00:31:01,120 Thank you, Michel. Have some more. 497 00:31:01,412 --> 00:31:03,328 I really couldn't. 498 00:31:03,620 --> 00:31:05,412 May I clear the table? 499 00:31:08,620 --> 00:31:10,245 Sorry about earlier. 500 00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:13,953 - Forget it. - What came over me? 501 00:31:14,412 --> 00:31:16,620 Must be the whisky and pills. 502 00:31:16,912 --> 00:31:18,537 Stop that for a start. 503 00:31:18,787 --> 00:31:20,620 I'll certainly try. 504 00:31:20,870 --> 00:31:23,870 Why wear a hat? We're in the shade. 505 00:31:24,162 --> 00:31:27,453 There are gaps in the foliage. I'll look like Gorbachev. 506 00:31:28,453 --> 00:31:29,537 I won't insist! 507 00:31:29,828 --> 00:31:31,787 I'll come see you at Continent. 508 00:31:32,412 --> 00:31:33,203 Sorry? 509 00:31:33,495 --> 00:31:37,620 My granddaughter wants to get her cassette signed. 510 00:31:38,453 --> 00:31:40,495 What's all this about cassettes? 511 00:31:40,787 --> 00:31:42,370 She read it in the paper. 512 00:31:42,662 --> 00:31:44,412 - What paper? - Hold on. 513 00:31:44,703 --> 00:31:46,412 Do you have the paper? 514 00:31:46,703 --> 00:31:48,870 I used it for the peelings. 515 00:31:59,953 --> 00:32:01,870 I've got it! 516 00:32:02,162 --> 00:32:03,662 "Mr Blanc will be signing cassettes 517 00:32:03,953 --> 00:32:05,912 in the sports section..." 518 00:32:06,620 --> 00:32:08,662 Here we go again! 519 00:32:08,953 --> 00:32:11,162 Let's grab the bull by the horns! 520 00:32:11,412 --> 00:32:12,995 Where are you going? 521 00:32:15,245 --> 00:32:16,412 This is a bad idea! 522 00:32:16,703 --> 00:32:18,703 The nightmare's soon over! 523 00:32:18,995 --> 00:32:22,203 - Where's the sports section? - That way. 524 00:32:23,287 --> 00:32:26,245 Concentrate, Julien. It's your second ball. 525 00:32:26,662 --> 00:32:27,912 Aim for the target! 526 00:32:29,828 --> 00:32:32,620 Missed! You've one more go! 527 00:32:33,787 --> 00:32:34,578 Excuse me. 528 00:32:38,328 --> 00:32:41,703 There's our answer! You have a look-alike. 529 00:32:41,995 --> 00:32:42,953 You reckon? 530 00:32:43,703 --> 00:32:45,662 It's frightening! Spitting image. 531 00:32:45,912 --> 00:32:47,328 Reassured? 532 00:32:47,620 --> 00:32:49,703 To look like him? 533 00:32:50,078 --> 00:32:52,787 Ready for your third try? 534 00:32:53,078 --> 00:32:54,370 Whenever you're ready! 535 00:32:56,245 --> 00:32:58,787 You win! Right on target! 536 00:32:59,162 --> 00:33:00,162 Appalling! 537 00:33:04,912 --> 00:33:07,953 And he still claims benefit! 538 00:33:08,245 --> 00:33:09,578 Let's wait outside. 539 00:33:09,870 --> 00:33:12,287 We ought to tell the police. He raped Balasko! 540 00:33:12,578 --> 00:33:14,287 I'll protect you! 541 00:33:14,578 --> 00:33:15,662 Hang on! 542 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:23,995 Excuse me! 543 00:33:24,245 --> 00:33:25,495 No more autographs! 544 00:33:25,787 --> 00:33:27,787 - It isn't that. - What then? 545 00:33:28,078 --> 00:33:29,037 Who are you? 546 00:33:29,328 --> 00:33:30,370 I'm Michel Blanc. 547 00:33:30,662 --> 00:33:32,828 - And you? - We're Michel Blanc, too. 548 00:33:35,245 --> 00:33:36,037 Shit! 549 00:33:36,495 --> 00:33:37,287 Wait! 550 00:33:40,037 --> 00:33:41,078 Stop! 551 00:33:48,578 --> 00:33:49,912 Wait! 552 00:33:50,787 --> 00:33:54,037 We need to talk! We'll catch him up! 553 00:33:57,787 --> 00:33:59,162 He's got a sports car! 554 00:33:59,453 --> 00:34:01,203 Great! I'm a speed freak! 555 00:34:03,328 --> 00:34:04,412 Belt up! 556 00:34:12,078 --> 00:34:13,328 There he is! 557 00:34:32,578 --> 00:34:34,412 - OK? - Not great! 558 00:34:41,953 --> 00:34:43,537 - Stop! - We've got him! 559 00:34:48,162 --> 00:34:49,912 Stop! I'm going to throw up. 560 00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:12,953 Sorry. 561 00:35:13,245 --> 00:35:14,412 Feeling better? 562 00:35:14,703 --> 00:35:15,953 A bit. 563 00:35:16,828 --> 00:35:18,370 We've lost him. 564 00:35:18,620 --> 00:35:19,995 Perhaps not. 565 00:35:20,245 --> 00:35:22,037 - Got his address? - No. 566 00:35:22,328 --> 00:35:24,078 But a village keeps cropping up. 567 00:35:24,370 --> 00:35:25,287 So? 568 00:35:25,578 --> 00:35:27,037 We're going there. 569 00:35:27,328 --> 00:35:28,787 We don't know where it is! 570 00:35:29,037 --> 00:35:30,870 - We'll look! - We won't find it! 571 00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:34,453 Stop being such a pessimist. It's so tiring. 572 00:35:35,453 --> 00:35:36,662 Belt up! 573 00:36:08,162 --> 00:36:10,037 What do we do now? 574 00:36:10,328 --> 00:36:13,328 Ask in the cafe if they know these people. 575 00:36:13,620 --> 00:36:14,828 Why me? 576 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:16,912 I've driven 400 kilometres! 577 00:36:17,203 --> 00:36:20,245 Stop asking questions! Just get a move on! 578 00:36:21,995 --> 00:36:23,328 OK. I'm going. 579 00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:32,745 But you'd best change your tone, or I'll blow my top! 580 00:36:33,037 --> 00:36:35,662 - I hear you! - Good! 581 00:36:43,828 --> 00:36:44,620 Hello! 582 00:36:45,078 --> 00:36:47,328 Our star! How are you, Mr Patrick? 583 00:36:47,620 --> 00:36:50,328 - Patrick? - The handsome one! Drink? 584 00:36:50,578 --> 00:36:52,245 We weren't expecting you. 585 00:36:52,537 --> 00:36:56,162 Come and give us a kiss! Or do I have to get up? 586 00:36:57,537 --> 00:36:58,328 No... 587 00:36:58,870 --> 00:37:00,328 Hello, handsome! 588 00:37:01,578 --> 00:37:03,912 You've changed cologne. 589 00:37:04,203 --> 00:37:05,953 He's got company! 590 00:37:06,953 --> 00:37:09,662 - A lass at last! - Bloody Nora! 591 00:37:09,912 --> 00:37:11,078 It's Carole Bouquet! 592 00:37:11,370 --> 00:37:13,453 - It isn't! - You're doing OK! 593 00:37:14,037 --> 00:37:15,328 Jammy sod! 594 00:37:15,745 --> 00:37:18,120 To think we were schoolmates! 595 00:37:18,412 --> 00:37:19,953 I never have any luck! 596 00:37:20,203 --> 00:37:22,703 What about me? Married to you! 597 00:37:22,995 --> 00:37:25,745 I'd rather get laid by Alain Delon! 598 00:37:25,995 --> 00:37:27,870 It's not what I meant! 599 00:37:28,162 --> 00:37:31,287 - OK! - Stop your bickering! 600 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:33,245 I'd best be off. 601 00:37:33,537 --> 00:37:36,078 Since you're here... I've a parcel for your mum. 602 00:37:36,370 --> 00:37:38,037 Save me the trip. 603 00:37:38,328 --> 00:37:39,453 - All right. - Here! 604 00:37:42,370 --> 00:37:43,953 Kiss Carole for us! 605 00:37:45,037 --> 00:37:46,578 Will do. 606 00:38:00,662 --> 00:38:01,495 Well? 607 00:38:01,745 --> 00:38:05,037 They called me Patrick. That's for my mum. 608 00:38:05,287 --> 00:38:06,995 One was a schoolmate. 609 00:38:07,245 --> 00:38:09,912 It's normal. They think you're your look-alike. 610 00:38:10,203 --> 00:38:12,162 Your mate left his mark! 611 00:38:13,620 --> 00:38:14,745 Where to now? 612 00:38:15,037 --> 00:38:17,495 To your mother's. We've got her address. 613 00:38:24,203 --> 00:38:25,370 Goodness! 614 00:38:25,662 --> 00:38:26,995 Hello, madam! 615 00:38:27,287 --> 00:38:30,328 You might've let me know, Patrick! 616 00:38:30,578 --> 00:38:33,995 It's bad of you! What do I like in my dressing gown! 617 00:38:34,287 --> 00:38:36,703 It isn't fit for Carole Bouquet! 618 00:38:38,037 --> 00:38:40,745 Always surprising me, he is! 619 00:38:40,995 --> 00:38:42,870 You'll catch your death. 620 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:44,370 It's late... 621 00:38:44,662 --> 00:38:47,620 Don't you worry! Go in. 622 00:38:48,453 --> 00:38:51,037 Fetch a bottle from the cellar! 623 00:38:51,287 --> 00:38:54,787 - The cellar? - Under the house, silly! 624 00:38:55,078 --> 00:38:57,162 Unless you'd prefer a Suze, madam? 625 00:38:57,453 --> 00:38:59,620 I don't mind. I don't want to bother you. 626 00:38:59,912 --> 00:39:01,412 You're no bother at all! 627 00:39:01,703 --> 00:39:04,412 I'm so ashamed! Looks like a gyppo's home. 628 00:39:04,662 --> 00:39:06,120 That way. 629 00:39:09,412 --> 00:39:11,245 I'll show you your room. 630 00:39:11,537 --> 00:39:12,828 We can't stay. 631 00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:16,828 You must stay for dinner. I don't have much... 632 00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,328 - No, really... - Don't argue, Carole! 633 00:39:19,703 --> 00:39:22,245 May I call you Carole? I'm Marthe. 634 00:39:24,328 --> 00:39:25,745 Have a seat. 635 00:39:30,245 --> 00:39:31,578 Admiring my photos? 636 00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:34,787 I cut them out the paper. Mothers! 637 00:39:35,578 --> 00:39:37,162 You have children, too. 638 00:39:37,745 --> 00:39:41,995 Every time I see Patrick on telly, I cry like a fool. 639 00:39:42,287 --> 00:39:44,203 - Patrick? - His real name! 640 00:39:44,495 --> 00:39:45,953 Patrick Olivier. 641 00:39:46,203 --> 00:39:49,453 Michel Blanc's his stage name. Didn't want to upset his dad. 642 00:39:50,162 --> 00:39:53,537 One night me and my hubby were watching telly, 643 00:39:53,870 --> 00:39:56,245 and there he was on the box! 644 00:39:56,495 --> 00:39:57,995 We were chuffed. 645 00:39:58,245 --> 00:40:01,162 He used to be a celebrity at the police station! 646 00:40:01,370 --> 00:40:04,120 Nothing serious, mind: car radio theft, 647 00:40:04,370 --> 00:40:06,120 but we were afraid for him. 648 00:40:06,745 --> 00:40:08,620 He made a face when he saw himself. 649 00:40:08,912 --> 00:40:11,995 Said he wanted to surprise us. He's a good lad. 650 00:40:13,870 --> 00:40:15,620 Carole, we can't stay. 651 00:40:15,912 --> 00:40:17,578 I'll pop something in the oven! 652 00:40:17,870 --> 00:40:19,537 Take the tray! 653 00:40:19,828 --> 00:40:20,620 We'll eat... 654 00:40:20,870 --> 00:40:22,703 - We're not hungry! - I am! 655 00:40:30,037 --> 00:40:31,412 - Where are they? - Eating! 656 00:40:31,703 --> 00:40:34,703 - How long? - Forty five minutes. 657 00:40:35,162 --> 00:40:37,537 They had a tomato salad to start. 658 00:40:37,828 --> 00:40:39,162 - With what? - Muscadet! 659 00:40:39,453 --> 00:40:41,995 White wine with salad! 660 00:40:42,287 --> 00:40:43,328 It had tuna in it. 661 00:40:43,578 --> 00:40:46,787 A chilled côtes du rhône would've been better. 662 00:40:47,037 --> 00:40:49,120 - The other with the next course. - What is it? 663 00:40:49,412 --> 00:40:52,120 Pork confit roasted with garlic. 664 00:40:52,953 --> 00:40:54,328 As vegetables, courgettes. 665 00:40:54,620 --> 00:40:57,370 If they need any cheese, I've got some! 666 00:40:57,620 --> 00:40:59,620 She has everything she needs! 667 00:41:01,037 --> 00:41:02,328 It's going well! 668 00:41:02,578 --> 00:41:05,453 - What's she like? - Very kind, easygoing. 669 00:41:05,703 --> 00:41:07,787 She's had two helpings of brawn! 670 00:41:09,995 --> 00:41:13,245 You're crazy! We shouldn't have stayed for dinner. 671 00:41:13,537 --> 00:41:14,870 She's delighted to have us. 672 00:41:15,162 --> 00:41:17,953 Maybe she's in cahoots with her son! 673 00:41:18,203 --> 00:41:19,953 We'll end up 6 feet under! 674 00:41:20,245 --> 00:41:22,662 I've fried a few wild mushrooms. 675 00:41:22,912 --> 00:41:25,203 To help the pork go down! 676 00:41:25,995 --> 00:41:27,495 Aren't you eating? 677 00:41:27,828 --> 00:41:29,370 - It's the damp. - Knock, knock! 678 00:41:29,787 --> 00:41:30,912 Why, Mrs Baudet! 679 00:41:31,203 --> 00:41:33,745 - Am I disturbing you? - We're eating. 680 00:41:34,037 --> 00:41:35,912 But come in! It's Mrs Baudet. 681 00:41:36,162 --> 00:41:37,412 A family occasion... 682 00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:41,412 Just an informal dinner. Have a bit of tart with us. 683 00:41:41,662 --> 00:41:45,662 You know Carole Bouquet. She taught Patrick everything. 684 00:41:45,953 --> 00:41:47,787 - Hello, Mrs Bouquet. - Hello, madam. 685 00:41:48,078 --> 00:41:49,203 Hello, sonny! 686 00:41:49,453 --> 00:41:52,245 - Have a drink. - Don't mind if I do! 687 00:41:52,870 --> 00:41:56,037 But you must come to mine for coffee afterwards. 688 00:41:56,287 --> 00:41:58,828 My son would love to see you! 689 00:41:59,078 --> 00:42:00,953 We really can't stay. 690 00:42:01,203 --> 00:42:03,453 They're in the area for the night. 691 00:42:03,703 --> 00:42:06,328 Just for a minute! Say hello before you go. 692 00:42:06,578 --> 00:42:10,245 It'll be the best day of his life. He's been paralysed 5 years! 693 00:42:10,995 --> 00:42:11,953 Come on, Carole! 694 00:42:12,203 --> 00:42:14,162 OK. But just for a minute. 695 00:42:14,870 --> 00:42:16,370 You're a kind woman. 696 00:42:16,953 --> 00:42:18,162 It shows! 697 00:42:52,537 --> 00:42:54,870 Come on. It's this way. 698 00:43:08,578 --> 00:43:11,412 Go on. He's in there. 699 00:43:20,078 --> 00:43:21,120 In you go. 700 00:43:30,162 --> 00:43:31,162 Go on. 701 00:43:32,245 --> 00:43:34,703 Hello! Delighted to meet you! 702 00:43:47,537 --> 00:43:48,370 Don't disturb him! 703 00:43:49,412 --> 00:43:51,495 - Give me your hand! - Of course! 704 00:43:52,620 --> 00:43:53,578 All right? 705 00:43:55,328 --> 00:43:56,537 Sure he's OK? 706 00:43:56,828 --> 00:43:57,995 I don't know! 707 00:44:01,453 --> 00:44:02,995 What's wrong with him? 708 00:44:03,328 --> 00:44:04,620 I'll let you rest! 709 00:44:06,787 --> 00:44:08,787 No! Stay in bed! 710 00:44:14,495 --> 00:44:15,328 Bloody hell! 711 00:44:15,578 --> 00:44:17,453 He's walking! 712 00:44:18,203 --> 00:44:20,787 Right. Come on, Carole! 713 00:44:21,245 --> 00:44:22,703 I can walk... 714 00:44:23,203 --> 00:44:24,578 Careful! 715 00:44:26,620 --> 00:44:27,662 It's a miracle! 716 00:44:27,912 --> 00:44:29,078 He can walk! 717 00:44:33,995 --> 00:44:35,037 Please come on! 718 00:44:35,370 --> 00:44:37,495 Look! I can walk! 719 00:44:37,870 --> 00:44:39,537 Carole, that's enough! 720 00:44:40,745 --> 00:44:41,828 I can walk! 721 00:44:42,370 --> 00:44:44,162 Bloody hell, Carole! 722 00:44:46,203 --> 00:44:48,787 I can walk! And I've got a hard-on! 723 00:44:51,287 --> 00:44:52,120 Sorry! 724 00:44:52,828 --> 00:44:56,703 Excuse me! 725 00:44:57,412 --> 00:44:58,245 Sorry! 726 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,620 Come on, Carole! 727 00:45:03,495 --> 00:45:05,078 Excuse me! 728 00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,370 Let go of her hand, sir! 729 00:45:27,578 --> 00:45:28,995 Start the car! 730 00:45:30,745 --> 00:45:33,495 Have you ever wondered what the point was? 731 00:45:33,703 --> 00:45:37,120 Of success, stardom... The whole business! 732 00:45:37,412 --> 00:45:39,745 I haven't really had the time! 733 00:45:39,995 --> 00:45:43,662 Why don't we discuss it some other time? 734 00:45:44,537 --> 00:45:46,578 What have you done with your talent? 735 00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:48,703 Sorry? 736 00:45:49,078 --> 00:45:50,287 Might be the answer. 737 00:45:50,537 --> 00:45:52,328 I cured his legs! 738 00:45:53,495 --> 00:45:56,578 Pull the other one! Come on! 739 00:45:56,912 --> 00:45:59,537 You think you cured a paralytic? 740 00:45:59,870 --> 00:46:02,662 The bloke had a block. You gave him a shock. 741 00:46:02,912 --> 00:46:05,162 It unblocked him. A miracle! 742 00:46:05,412 --> 00:46:08,620 You refuse to believe in anything. Even what you see! 743 00:46:08,953 --> 00:46:11,578 I thought I was mad, but it's you. 744 00:46:11,912 --> 00:46:14,620 If it suits you to think that. 745 00:46:14,912 --> 00:46:17,828 It'd suit me if we told the cops! 746 00:46:18,078 --> 00:46:19,620 We can't go to the police! 747 00:46:19,953 --> 00:46:22,078 We'll find Patrick and scare him! 748 00:46:23,412 --> 00:46:24,953 Jail would kill his mum. 749 00:46:25,203 --> 00:46:27,078 You're unbelievable! 750 00:46:27,578 --> 00:46:30,162 He's my look-alike not yours! 751 00:46:30,412 --> 00:46:32,453 The cops aren't after you! 752 00:46:32,745 --> 00:46:35,495 Let me sort my own problems! 753 00:46:35,745 --> 00:46:37,495 I'm not driving you to the station! 754 00:46:37,828 --> 00:46:39,120 I'll hitch a ride. 755 00:46:39,453 --> 00:46:40,870 You're in for a long wait. 756 00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:42,828 Providence will provide, Sister. 757 00:46:45,703 --> 00:46:47,703 Don't say I didn't warn you. 758 00:47:06,995 --> 00:47:08,870 I can't let him to do that. 759 00:47:32,495 --> 00:47:35,662 Finished your temper tantrum? Jump in! 760 00:47:36,620 --> 00:47:38,578 I wouldn't say no. 761 00:47:42,453 --> 00:47:45,453 I'd rather sit in the back, if you don't mind. 762 00:47:49,328 --> 00:47:50,870 I can drive slowly. 763 00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,370 No, it's fine. I just feel like it. 764 00:47:53,745 --> 00:47:55,245 You're a strange guy. 765 00:48:08,495 --> 00:48:10,578 What's wrong? Feel sick again? 766 00:48:10,828 --> 00:48:11,912 Why do you ask? 767 00:48:12,162 --> 00:48:13,703 You look peculiar. 768 00:48:13,953 --> 00:48:16,412 - How so? - Like you've something in mind. 769 00:48:16,662 --> 00:48:18,370 - Spot on! - What's got into you? 770 00:48:18,620 --> 00:48:21,370 I'm ecstatic! Carole Bouquet's breasts! 771 00:48:21,620 --> 00:48:24,203 - I'm fondling Bouquet's breasts! - And? 772 00:48:24,537 --> 00:48:25,995 They're warm and soft! 773 00:48:26,328 --> 00:48:27,578 I meant what now? 774 00:48:27,828 --> 00:48:29,620 We could have sex! 775 00:48:31,745 --> 00:48:34,828 Now you listen to me, Patrick! 776 00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:37,370 - How did you guess? - Feminine intuition. 777 00:48:37,620 --> 00:48:39,203 You're hurting me! 778 00:48:43,287 --> 00:48:44,828 Stop! I'm armed! 779 00:49:02,703 --> 00:49:04,662 The guy from French Fried Vacation! 780 00:49:04,953 --> 00:49:07,037 - Michel Blanc? Where? - Under the salad bar! 781 00:49:08,495 --> 00:49:10,453 - Carole Bouquet! - Come out! 782 00:49:13,578 --> 00:49:14,453 Bloody hell! 783 00:49:15,912 --> 00:49:17,245 Hurry up! 784 00:49:18,412 --> 00:49:19,870 I'm coming out! 785 00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:21,662 While I reload! 786 00:49:28,370 --> 00:49:30,287 I didn't know they were an item! 787 00:49:36,453 --> 00:49:39,287 - Put your gun away! - Shut it! Move! 788 00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:41,453 What do you intend to do? 789 00:49:41,787 --> 00:49:44,787 Move it, or I'll give your arsehole a look-alike! 790 00:49:45,037 --> 00:49:46,912 You lied to the whole village? 791 00:49:47,162 --> 00:49:50,037 They stopped calling me a lazy git. 792 00:49:50,287 --> 00:49:54,162 They liked me. I couldn't tell them the truth. 793 00:49:54,995 --> 00:49:56,495 It's not a big deal. 794 00:49:56,745 --> 00:49:58,412 I've done no harm! 795 00:49:58,662 --> 00:49:59,703 And Balasko? 796 00:50:00,453 --> 00:50:03,328 A blunder. I was after her money. 797 00:50:03,578 --> 00:50:06,287 When I saw her tied up, I couldn't resist! 798 00:50:06,620 --> 00:50:08,203 I'm only human! 799 00:50:08,453 --> 00:50:11,037 Listen carefully, I'll try to be brief. 800 00:50:11,703 --> 00:50:13,870 You'd better keep a low profile. 801 00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:17,745 If I bump into you again, you'll get my fist in your face! 802 00:50:18,037 --> 00:50:18,870 Understand? 803 00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:20,120 Loud and clear! 804 00:50:20,370 --> 00:50:23,078 You've got 5 minutes to disappear! 805 00:50:23,370 --> 00:50:24,162 I'm going! 806 00:50:31,495 --> 00:50:34,245 I wanted to inform the police but Carole refused. 807 00:50:34,537 --> 00:50:36,453 The miracle really shook her. 808 00:50:36,703 --> 00:50:38,703 She reckons it's a miracle. 809 00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:40,245 I think it's nerves. 810 00:50:40,537 --> 00:50:44,203 The bloke probably collapsed as soon as we left. 811 00:50:44,495 --> 00:50:47,745 I prefer to tell all, because the guy's dangerous. 812 00:50:51,578 --> 00:50:53,328 If you have any questions... 813 00:50:57,703 --> 00:50:59,287 Bravo! Here you go! 814 00:50:59,912 --> 00:51:02,870 I've always wondered... 815 00:51:03,162 --> 00:51:05,828 Do you improvise, or learn your lines by heart? 816 00:51:06,453 --> 00:51:07,453 Goodbye! 817 00:51:09,328 --> 00:51:12,662 Try to come for Christmas. We all dress up! 818 00:51:28,078 --> 00:51:29,162 Proud of yourself? 819 00:51:30,578 --> 00:51:33,578 You claim to be a leftie, you sing for Ethiopia. 820 00:51:33,828 --> 00:51:36,037 As long as there are cameras around! 821 00:51:36,287 --> 00:51:37,995 Grassing to the cops! 822 00:51:38,287 --> 00:51:39,578 Don't take the piss! 823 00:51:40,370 --> 00:51:41,953 I'll break your face! 824 00:51:42,370 --> 00:51:44,078 - Calm down! - I'll kill you! 825 00:51:44,412 --> 00:51:46,120 Let me explain! 826 00:51:46,662 --> 00:51:49,703 Explain what? That you're a crook? 827 00:51:49,953 --> 00:51:50,745 You're strangling me! 828 00:51:51,037 --> 00:51:52,495 That's your explanation? 829 00:51:52,745 --> 00:51:53,578 Bastard! 830 00:51:55,953 --> 00:51:58,787 I never asked to look like you! 831 00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:03,203 I'd have chosen someone else! 832 00:52:03,995 --> 00:52:05,370 You think it's easy? 833 00:52:06,078 --> 00:52:08,620 You're always playing jerks! 834 00:52:08,870 --> 00:52:11,162 How about some variety? 835 00:52:11,495 --> 00:52:14,287 I don't need your advice! 836 00:52:14,537 --> 00:52:17,787 Pity that. You'd have avoided a few flops! 837 00:52:18,037 --> 00:52:20,620 Why pass yourself off as me, then? 838 00:52:20,870 --> 00:52:24,787 I have the disadvantages. Why not the advantages? 839 00:52:25,078 --> 00:52:26,453 I've no private life. 840 00:52:26,870 --> 00:52:28,953 People smirk when I trip over. 841 00:52:29,203 --> 00:52:30,662 You chose this life. 842 00:52:30,995 --> 00:52:33,453 And you make a bloody packet! 843 00:52:33,995 --> 00:52:35,412 I've got sod all. 844 00:52:35,703 --> 00:52:37,203 What about the harm you do? 845 00:52:37,453 --> 00:52:38,828 Who's harming who? 846 00:52:39,078 --> 00:52:41,787 What job can I do with a clown's face? 847 00:52:42,037 --> 00:52:44,620 Would Hitler have succeeded with Fernandel's? 848 00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:48,203 You've buggered up my life! That's the truth! 849 00:52:48,453 --> 00:52:50,828 I don't have the time for this! 850 00:52:51,078 --> 00:52:53,870 I've no intention of changing my job or my mug! 851 00:52:54,162 --> 00:52:56,662 You'd better find a solution. 852 00:52:56,912 --> 00:53:00,495 If you start again, I'll find more understanding cops! 853 00:53:00,745 --> 00:53:01,745 OK? Goodnight! 854 00:53:13,412 --> 00:53:15,120 There is a solution! 855 00:53:15,412 --> 00:53:17,537 Yes! You clear off! 856 00:53:18,078 --> 00:53:20,495 We could work together. 857 00:53:20,995 --> 00:53:23,495 How about sharing the workload? 858 00:53:23,787 --> 00:53:27,037 I don't understand. Or rather, I'm afraid I do! 859 00:53:27,287 --> 00:53:31,078 The programmes you hate... I'll do them for you. 860 00:53:31,620 --> 00:53:34,828 - That's a swindle! - Why? 861 00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,162 The public gets its money's worth! 862 00:53:37,412 --> 00:53:40,578 You make the films. While I promote them, you write. 863 00:53:40,828 --> 00:53:43,537 And the spectators can only benefit. 864 00:53:44,203 --> 00:53:48,078 Some of your stuff is so tired! But you're only human. 865 00:53:48,495 --> 00:53:51,412 I'll do all the commercial films. 866 00:53:51,662 --> 00:53:54,578 You do the quality stuff. Ideal, isn't it? 867 00:53:54,828 --> 00:53:57,203 I've never done films for money! 868 00:53:57,453 --> 00:53:58,912 Not only anyway! 869 00:53:59,203 --> 00:54:01,912 What about all those ads, eh? 870 00:54:08,453 --> 00:54:12,453 Think about it. Don't you fancy a year off? 871 00:54:12,745 --> 00:54:14,620 India, Burma. 872 00:54:14,870 --> 00:54:17,995 Night falling on Along Bay, the streets of Manila... 873 00:54:18,287 --> 00:54:19,162 Madness! 874 00:54:19,453 --> 00:54:21,662 You wouldn't be the first. 875 00:54:22,328 --> 00:54:25,995 How does Depardieu manage to make so many films? 876 00:54:26,245 --> 00:54:27,203 A dog couldn't do it! 877 00:54:27,495 --> 00:54:31,203 You're totally insane. You frighten me. 878 00:54:31,453 --> 00:54:34,453 I don't need an answer now. 879 00:54:35,245 --> 00:54:38,162 You know where to find me now. Night! 880 00:55:07,037 --> 00:55:10,370 I think I've made a very costly mistake! 881 00:55:27,037 --> 00:55:29,203 What the hell's going on? 882 00:55:29,453 --> 00:55:31,953 I don't like the look of this. 883 00:55:39,828 --> 00:55:41,912 - Yes? - Is Carole home? 884 00:55:53,870 --> 00:55:55,620 I hope I'm not disturbing you. 885 00:55:56,870 --> 00:55:57,787 I warned you! 886 00:55:58,037 --> 00:55:59,995 It's me! Michel! 887 00:56:00,245 --> 00:56:01,703 I've been patient, Patrick. 888 00:56:01,995 --> 00:56:04,328 But I'm about to lose my temper! 889 00:56:04,578 --> 00:56:06,412 I'm not my look-alike! 890 00:56:06,662 --> 00:56:09,453 You won't fool me this time. Follow me! 891 00:56:19,203 --> 00:56:21,912 So you're Michel Blanc, are you? 892 00:56:22,162 --> 00:56:25,328 It so happens I'm having lunch with him! 893 00:56:25,578 --> 00:56:26,870 Rotten luck! 894 00:56:41,870 --> 00:56:43,787 Say something, guys! 895 00:56:45,162 --> 00:56:46,662 Speak to me! 896 00:56:48,578 --> 00:56:50,203 Don't get taken in by him! 897 00:56:50,662 --> 00:56:52,245 There is a likeness. 898 00:56:52,495 --> 00:56:54,537 It's obvious it isn't him! 899 00:56:54,828 --> 00:56:57,162 I wouldn't be taken in. 900 00:56:57,412 --> 00:56:58,703 His eyes are different. 901 00:56:58,995 --> 00:57:00,453 It's beyond a joke! 902 00:57:00,703 --> 00:57:04,037 His voice bothers me. Michel doesn't sound so gay! 903 00:57:04,370 --> 00:57:06,703 There's the bastard who raped me! 904 00:57:07,162 --> 00:57:07,953 Josie, don't! 905 00:57:08,828 --> 00:57:10,287 Where's your hard-on now? 906 00:57:10,578 --> 00:57:12,953 - Don't find me attractive? - Josie, please! 907 00:57:13,245 --> 00:57:15,037 This'll calm you down! 908 00:57:15,328 --> 00:57:17,162 Right! Get out! 909 00:57:24,412 --> 00:57:25,203 Unbelievable! 910 00:57:27,370 --> 00:57:29,912 Patrick, this'll end in tears! 911 00:57:30,162 --> 00:57:32,162 Sorry to have been brutal. 912 00:57:32,412 --> 00:57:34,370 It was to make you see reason. 913 00:57:34,620 --> 00:57:37,662 I'll help you if you stop all this madness. 914 00:57:38,203 --> 00:57:41,370 I want to wake up. I've had enough! 915 00:58:04,453 --> 00:58:05,495 Hello! 916 00:58:07,078 --> 00:58:10,328 - A double brandy, please. - Coming up! 917 00:58:24,912 --> 00:58:26,037 Another. 918 00:58:30,370 --> 00:58:31,370 Look at me. 919 00:58:32,828 --> 00:58:35,120 Just to see if you recognize me. 920 00:58:35,370 --> 00:58:37,495 We don't give credit! 921 00:58:37,745 --> 00:58:39,287 It isn't that. 922 00:58:41,787 --> 00:58:43,287 Have you seen me before? 923 00:58:43,537 --> 00:58:45,412 I dunno! Turn around. 924 00:58:46,162 --> 00:58:49,620 The wally who does the weather! Is that it? 925 00:58:49,912 --> 00:58:51,828 I don't work in television. 926 00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:53,870 - Films. - Tough luck! 927 00:58:54,162 --> 00:58:56,453 Films bore the pants off me! 928 00:58:56,745 --> 00:58:58,912 Just finish your drink and go! 929 00:58:59,995 --> 00:59:01,578 Twenty francs change! 930 00:59:32,537 --> 00:59:34,787 You're really pushing it! 931 00:59:36,370 --> 00:59:38,662 The joke's over! 932 00:59:38,912 --> 00:59:40,203 Put your toys away! 933 00:59:40,495 --> 00:59:43,203 Give my ID back and get out of my life! 934 00:59:44,828 --> 00:59:48,787 Despite all appearances, you're an optimistic boy! 935 00:59:49,162 --> 00:59:50,120 Bit of a schoolgirl. 936 00:59:50,662 --> 00:59:52,787 One of the weak points of your films. 937 00:59:53,162 --> 00:59:55,620 I'm writing the script now! 938 00:59:55,912 --> 00:59:59,328 And it ain't Happy Days. Not for you anyway. 939 00:59:59,953 --> 01:00:01,495 Best get used to it! 940 01:00:01,995 --> 01:00:04,745 The wheel of fortune turns. Everybody gets a go. 941 01:00:05,078 --> 01:00:07,578 You don't own our mug any more than I do. 942 01:00:07,870 --> 01:00:10,412 We're co-owners. It's like a time-share. 943 01:00:10,703 --> 01:00:13,328 I've let you use it for 40 years. 944 01:00:13,620 --> 01:00:16,370 But now I'm here to evict you! 945 01:00:17,912 --> 01:00:19,287 I won't allow it! 946 01:00:19,578 --> 01:00:21,287 You don't have the choice! 947 01:00:21,578 --> 01:00:24,245 Unless you kill me, which isn't your style. 948 01:00:24,537 --> 01:00:26,578 You're such a conformist, Patrick! 949 01:00:26,828 --> 01:00:29,537 - Don't call me Patrick! - Get used to it, mate! 950 01:00:29,828 --> 01:00:31,328 You're Patrick now! 951 01:00:31,578 --> 01:00:33,412 Make yourself scarce, 952 01:00:33,703 --> 01:00:36,412 or I'll tell the cops you're pretending to be me 953 01:00:36,662 --> 01:00:38,370 and raping my pals! 954 01:00:40,495 --> 01:00:41,495 Bloody bastard! 955 01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:44,412 You won't enjoy co-ownership long! 956 01:00:44,703 --> 01:00:47,203 I'm going to write Michel Blanc off! 957 01:00:47,495 --> 01:00:50,828 Within 24 hours, he won't be worth peanuts! 958 01:01:04,412 --> 01:01:07,120 Hello, Mr Blanc. How may I help you? 959 01:01:08,328 --> 01:01:10,787 Show me your diamond necklaces. 960 01:01:11,037 --> 01:01:13,620 Have a seat, I'll call the manager. 961 01:01:17,995 --> 01:01:20,162 - What's going on? - Some codswallop! 962 01:01:20,412 --> 01:01:22,537 They're making a gangster film. 963 01:01:22,828 --> 01:01:25,912 That's all they do nowadays! Blood and guts! 964 01:01:26,328 --> 01:01:29,412 I preferred him with a moustache. He's put on weight, too. 965 01:01:29,703 --> 01:01:32,287 It's the drink what does it. 966 01:01:32,578 --> 01:01:34,203 Get down! 967 01:01:35,620 --> 01:01:37,578 Just open the safe, OK? 968 01:01:37,953 --> 01:01:39,370 Bloody well open it! 969 01:01:42,495 --> 01:01:43,995 The special effects are great! 970 01:01:44,287 --> 01:01:47,453 The alarm's gone off, the police'll be here any minute! 971 01:01:47,703 --> 01:01:49,203 Will you tell them? 972 01:01:49,495 --> 01:01:52,203 If you leave now, it'll be our little secret. 973 01:01:52,495 --> 01:01:54,453 I'll make sure no one talks! 974 01:01:54,745 --> 01:01:57,662 But this could ruin your career! 975 01:01:57,912 --> 01:02:01,828 If I want to bugger up my career, that's my business! 976 01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:05,078 It's our business, too! We love your films! 977 01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:07,620 Especially Father Christmas Stinks. 978 01:02:07,912 --> 01:02:11,120 I wasn't in Father Christmas! Open the safe! 979 01:02:12,995 --> 01:02:13,787 Open it! 980 01:02:16,745 --> 01:02:20,037 It's quite hard work really. Who'd have thought! 981 01:02:24,745 --> 01:02:27,370 - Is there a way out downstairs? - Just offices. 982 01:02:27,662 --> 01:02:29,703 Get downstairs anyway! 983 01:02:29,995 --> 01:02:31,495 Hurry! 984 01:03:09,662 --> 01:03:11,495 I'm waiting for the news crew. 985 01:03:11,745 --> 01:03:13,578 Great! What station? 986 01:03:13,870 --> 01:03:16,662 I can't say till I've had France 2's offer. 987 01:03:16,953 --> 01:03:18,495 I'm going to make-up. 988 01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:24,245 Michel was filming a tough scene when he got the news. 989 01:03:24,578 --> 01:03:26,495 Naturally he was very upset. 990 01:03:26,828 --> 01:03:28,453 Carole, where is he now? 991 01:03:28,745 --> 01:03:32,328 In his apartment. He'll be making a statement soon. 992 01:03:32,787 --> 01:03:34,995 Sorry, I really must dash! 993 01:03:35,912 --> 01:03:37,703 It's turned out well. 994 01:03:37,995 --> 01:03:40,620 It's awful for those innocent folk, 995 01:03:40,870 --> 01:03:42,412 but I must say for us, 996 01:03:42,662 --> 01:03:46,578 his friends, his family, those who love him, it's a relief. 997 01:03:46,870 --> 01:03:48,953 Didn't anyone notice? 998 01:03:49,203 --> 01:03:50,120 Of course! 999 01:03:50,370 --> 01:03:54,037 But we put it down to stress. It's a crazy business! 1000 01:03:54,287 --> 01:03:56,995 I wish he'd chosen dance, like me. 1001 01:03:57,287 --> 01:03:59,662 I knew something was wrong. 1002 01:03:59,912 --> 01:04:00,745 Aren't you clever! 1003 01:04:01,037 --> 01:04:02,245 Tell me, Doctor, 1004 01:04:02,537 --> 01:04:06,120 would you say he was insane, mentally ill? 1005 01:04:06,412 --> 01:04:09,203 He passed himself off as Michel Blanc, 1006 01:04:09,453 --> 01:04:11,120 and I noticed right away 1007 01:04:11,370 --> 01:04:14,537 that he had all the symptoms of Zinse's disease. 1008 01:04:14,787 --> 01:04:16,495 Self-denigration, 1009 01:04:16,745 --> 01:04:18,120 obsessional neurosis, 1010 01:04:18,370 --> 01:04:20,287 penis revulsion. 1011 01:04:21,537 --> 01:04:25,162 I should have realized, but it's common in this business. 1012 01:04:25,453 --> 01:04:27,328 Is he responsible for his acts? 1013 01:04:35,703 --> 01:04:36,495 Bouquet! 1014 01:04:37,620 --> 01:04:38,662 Carole! 1015 01:04:39,412 --> 01:04:41,703 Give me 5 minutes, I'll bring him out! 1016 01:04:42,037 --> 01:04:43,953 The courts are congested. 1017 01:04:44,245 --> 01:04:46,620 And it's none of your business! 1018 01:04:46,912 --> 01:04:50,620 If that's your attitude, I'll do it without your approval! 1019 01:04:51,995 --> 01:04:52,995 Stop her! 1020 01:04:57,620 --> 01:04:58,620 For god's sake! 1021 01:05:08,495 --> 01:05:09,328 What's the matter? 1022 01:05:09,662 --> 01:05:11,703 It's weird seeing her in the flesh. 1023 01:05:18,203 --> 01:05:19,870 Guess who's here! 1024 01:05:21,412 --> 01:05:24,662 I was out shopping and I heard you were here. 1025 01:05:26,495 --> 01:05:29,995 All of a sudden, I desperately wanted to see you. 1026 01:05:34,578 --> 01:05:38,078 May I come down? Are you downstairs? 1027 01:05:45,995 --> 01:05:48,370 I hope I'm not disturbing you. 1028 01:05:49,620 --> 01:05:52,412 We were a bit hard on you yesterday. 1029 01:05:52,703 --> 01:05:56,037 I'd like us to have a little chat. 1030 01:05:57,703 --> 01:05:59,995 Do you know what we should do? 1031 01:06:00,828 --> 01:06:04,078 Give everyone the slip and take off to the coast. 1032 01:06:09,037 --> 01:06:11,370 We can chat as we collect seashells. 1033 01:06:12,995 --> 01:06:14,120 How about it, Patrick? 1034 01:06:14,370 --> 01:06:17,245 I'm not Patrick! Don't treat me like a lunatic. 1035 01:06:17,495 --> 01:06:20,953 I don't think you're mad. You're just tired. 1036 01:06:21,203 --> 01:06:23,370 I sometimes wonder who I am, too. 1037 01:06:23,662 --> 01:06:25,870 I know who I am! Michel Blanc! 1038 01:06:26,662 --> 01:06:28,412 Go away! Don't do anything stupid! 1039 01:06:28,662 --> 01:06:31,537 What if I desperately wanted to? 1040 01:06:32,745 --> 01:06:34,203 For ages! 1041 01:06:34,828 --> 01:06:37,287 Ever since I felt your hands on my breasts. 1042 01:06:38,537 --> 01:06:40,287 What if that's why I'm here? 1043 01:06:40,578 --> 01:06:44,203 The more I look at you, the giddier I feel. 1044 01:06:45,703 --> 01:06:47,120 I'm going to swoon! 1045 01:06:48,328 --> 01:06:49,995 Stop your acting! 1046 01:06:50,287 --> 01:06:52,078 I'm not acting! 1047 01:06:52,370 --> 01:06:56,037 How does it make you feel to see me lying here, vulnerable, 1048 01:06:56,328 --> 01:06:57,662 like defenceless prey? 1049 01:06:57,912 --> 01:07:00,537 I'm Michel. Please believe me! 1050 01:07:01,120 --> 01:07:03,787 Who cares who I am, who you are! 1051 01:07:04,078 --> 01:07:08,370 All I can see is two bodies in close proximity. 1052 01:07:08,620 --> 01:07:10,328 How is this evening? 1053 01:07:11,328 --> 01:07:13,162 Mild as a spring evening. 1054 01:07:13,453 --> 01:07:15,537 I think it's wet and torrid. 1055 01:07:15,787 --> 01:07:18,787 Like a night in Malaysia before the monsoon. 1056 01:07:19,037 --> 01:07:22,412 I'd like to rip off my clothes! I'm suffocating! 1057 01:07:22,703 --> 01:07:23,495 Can you feel it? 1058 01:07:23,787 --> 01:07:24,787 Your belt's tight. 1059 01:07:25,078 --> 01:07:28,495 My life is suffocating! This business is killing me! 1060 01:07:28,745 --> 01:07:31,953 I am sick of being cold and inaccessible! 1061 01:07:32,453 --> 01:07:34,620 I'm tired of frightening men! 1062 01:07:34,828 --> 01:07:37,745 I dreamt of brutal lambadas, of big sweaty lads 1063 01:07:38,037 --> 01:07:39,412 and working men's clubs! 1064 01:07:39,703 --> 01:07:42,662 And above all of strong arms to imprison me, 1065 01:07:42,870 --> 01:07:45,328 to protect me, to shove me! 1066 01:07:45,953 --> 01:07:48,870 But no one shoves me. Shove me, Patrick! 1067 01:07:49,162 --> 01:07:52,078 Be disrespectful! What is it Balasko has? 1068 01:07:52,370 --> 01:07:53,328 I'm not Patrick! 1069 01:07:53,620 --> 01:07:55,578 Take me like a worker! 1070 01:08:04,370 --> 01:08:05,162 No! 1071 01:08:13,203 --> 01:08:15,745 I did that to save your life! 1072 01:08:16,037 --> 01:08:17,787 They were going to shoot you! 1073 01:08:18,078 --> 01:08:20,412 The best thing for blokes with problems 1074 01:08:20,703 --> 01:08:22,120 is to never meet you! 1075 01:08:22,745 --> 01:08:24,328 I knew he wasn't the real McCoy. 1076 01:08:24,578 --> 01:08:26,662 That's why I set off the alarm. 1077 01:08:28,537 --> 01:08:30,078 Press conference! 1078 01:08:31,620 --> 01:08:33,287 You'll thank me one day! 1079 01:08:34,078 --> 01:08:36,620 They'll take care of you, give you pills. 1080 01:08:36,912 --> 01:08:38,578 You'll come out in top form! 1081 01:08:38,870 --> 01:08:41,328 If you need me, call me! 1082 01:08:42,578 --> 01:08:44,537 It'll be like a holiday! 1083 01:09:04,787 --> 01:09:06,703 What a nice surprise! 1084 01:09:07,953 --> 01:09:10,370 Look, lads! Our stranger! 1085 01:09:13,620 --> 01:09:15,495 We've really missed you! 1086 01:09:15,745 --> 01:09:19,245 Dédé refused to eat for 3 days after you left us. 1087 01:09:19,495 --> 01:09:21,912 There's a mistake. I'm not Michel Blanc! 1088 01:09:23,120 --> 01:09:24,412 I'm much smaller! 1089 01:09:24,870 --> 01:09:26,953 - Much fatter, too! - Who cares! 1090 01:09:27,245 --> 01:09:28,870 We love you anyway! 1091 01:09:29,162 --> 01:09:30,995 Help! 1092 01:09:46,162 --> 01:09:48,120 Patrick Olivier to the governor! 1093 01:10:13,412 --> 01:10:15,537 - Take a seat. - No thank you. 1094 01:10:16,370 --> 01:10:19,037 Mr Olivier, I hope you'll have fond memories 1095 01:10:19,328 --> 01:10:21,745 of your short stay with us. 1096 01:10:22,453 --> 01:10:24,787 I also hope these few months 1097 01:10:25,078 --> 01:10:27,662 have made you see sense. 1098 01:10:32,453 --> 01:10:34,662 Don't forget, our door is always open. 1099 01:10:48,703 --> 01:10:49,703 First name? 1100 01:10:49,995 --> 01:10:51,078 Patrick. 1101 01:10:51,453 --> 01:10:53,620 What shows have you been in? 1102 01:10:53,912 --> 01:10:56,120 Loads. I don't remember the names. 1103 01:10:56,412 --> 01:10:59,787 That's bothersome. You need a good memory in this job. 1104 01:11:00,162 --> 01:11:02,495 I can work as an extra for now. 1105 01:11:02,745 --> 01:11:04,787 I'm afraid it'll be for later. 1106 01:11:05,037 --> 01:11:07,328 I've nothing for you right now. 1107 01:11:07,578 --> 01:11:11,370 Go take a look at the jobs board anyway. 1108 01:11:16,412 --> 01:11:18,037 I can act in English! 1109 01:11:18,328 --> 01:11:22,287 I'll let Spielberg know next time he calls me! 1110 01:12:12,162 --> 01:12:13,703 Bloody hell, my leg! 1111 01:13:14,037 --> 01:13:15,245 Next! 1112 01:13:19,495 --> 01:13:20,870 I've come about the job. 1113 01:13:21,162 --> 01:13:24,578 - Who's look-alike are you, then? - Michel Blanc. 1114 01:13:24,870 --> 01:13:25,870 You reckon? 1115 01:13:26,120 --> 01:13:27,745 With a bit of make-up... 1116 01:13:31,328 --> 01:13:33,162 Don't get your hopes up. 1117 01:13:35,578 --> 01:13:36,662 Goodbye. 1118 01:13:38,037 --> 01:13:39,120 Next! 1119 01:13:43,203 --> 01:13:45,287 I imagine they didn't take you. 1120 01:13:46,495 --> 01:13:48,912 I've been waiting. I spotted you earlier. 1121 01:13:50,703 --> 01:13:52,828 - You too, you've just... - Yes! 1122 01:13:53,078 --> 01:13:54,162 Noiret's look-alike? 1123 01:13:54,412 --> 01:13:57,328 Usually I'm Deneuve, but I've had a nasty cold. 1124 01:13:58,828 --> 01:14:00,703 I'm joking! 1125 01:14:00,953 --> 01:14:02,703 We can joke, can't we? 1126 01:14:02,953 --> 01:14:04,995 May I walk along with you? 1127 01:14:05,245 --> 01:14:06,787 I'm not going anywhere. 1128 01:14:07,037 --> 01:14:10,245 That's perfect. It's on my way. 1129 01:14:22,245 --> 01:14:23,745 Why are we here? 1130 01:14:24,037 --> 01:14:26,578 Because you and I need to talk. 1131 01:14:28,870 --> 01:14:32,120 You haven't touched a thing. Eat! 1132 01:14:32,870 --> 01:14:36,703 I feel sorry for you. You look like death warmed up. 1133 01:14:37,412 --> 01:14:41,745 Nibble a bit of cheese if you don't fancy the sausage. 1134 01:14:42,037 --> 01:14:44,912 We'll wash it all down with port, 1135 01:14:45,162 --> 01:14:48,412 smoke a cigar and have a quiet chat. 1136 01:14:48,870 --> 01:14:50,870 I'm not very hungry. 1137 01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:54,578 You are! It's normal when you get out of prison. 1138 01:14:56,620 --> 01:14:57,953 Why do you say that? 1139 01:14:59,662 --> 01:15:01,912 Because you've just been released. 1140 01:15:02,870 --> 01:15:05,412 The ending never changes. 1141 01:15:05,703 --> 01:15:08,287 It's always the same story. 1142 01:15:09,703 --> 01:15:11,828 Look at me, my dear Michel. 1143 01:15:12,162 --> 01:15:14,078 I'm Philippe Noiret. 1144 01:15:14,870 --> 01:15:17,703 I know your story. It's identical to mine. 1145 01:15:17,995 --> 01:15:20,537 You get a stand-in for the tiresome jobs. 1146 01:15:20,828 --> 01:15:22,787 Then one day you go too far. 1147 01:15:23,037 --> 01:15:25,828 And the key no longer fits the lock. 1148 01:15:26,078 --> 01:15:28,453 You've been kicked out. 1149 01:15:31,537 --> 01:15:32,828 I'm not the only one? 1150 01:15:33,078 --> 01:15:35,703 Of course you're not! 1151 01:15:35,995 --> 01:15:39,495 It suited me at first. My wife was starting to bug me. 1152 01:15:42,078 --> 01:15:44,828 And then... you get used to it. 1153 01:15:45,078 --> 01:15:47,537 I don't want to accept it. I want to fight. 1154 01:15:47,828 --> 01:15:48,787 Fight? 1155 01:15:49,078 --> 01:15:52,912 Whatever for? Let me show you something! 1156 01:15:53,162 --> 01:15:54,495 Mind if I row? 1157 01:16:01,495 --> 01:16:04,162 Know what used to be there? A cinema! 1158 01:16:04,453 --> 01:16:05,995 And there, another cinema. 1159 01:16:06,287 --> 01:16:10,453 The dream palaces of yesteryear are processed crap outlets. 1160 01:16:10,745 --> 01:16:11,953 There are some left. 1161 01:16:12,203 --> 01:16:15,662 For what they're worth! Have you seen what's on? 1162 01:16:15,953 --> 01:16:17,953 See many French films? 1163 01:16:18,162 --> 01:16:22,620 I'm gonna tell you something. Listen to me, piece of shit. 1164 01:16:22,912 --> 01:16:24,495 You fuck off, shit! 1165 01:16:25,912 --> 01:16:28,078 That's all you hear nowadays. 1166 01:16:28,370 --> 01:16:30,578 French cinema's got one foot in the grave! 1167 01:16:31,245 --> 01:16:34,578 We'll all end up as mice in their bloody parks! 1168 01:16:34,828 --> 01:16:36,495 That's an exaggeration. 1169 01:16:36,745 --> 01:16:38,537 For fuck's sake! 1170 01:16:38,828 --> 01:16:41,578 Don't you ever look at the figures? 1171 01:16:41,828 --> 01:16:45,578 Well, you should, because they're pretty scary! 1172 01:16:45,870 --> 01:16:49,703 Want me to show you what French cinema resembles? 1173 01:16:55,662 --> 01:16:58,453 Here it is! Under there! 1174 01:16:58,953 --> 01:17:01,328 French cinema is the unknown soldier! 1175 01:17:01,620 --> 01:17:02,578 To our dead! 1176 01:17:10,578 --> 01:17:11,370 Come on, Philippe! 1177 01:17:11,620 --> 01:17:14,078 It's like an awards ceremony! 1178 01:17:14,370 --> 01:17:17,078 I've a few francs. Let's go for coffee. 1179 01:17:20,245 --> 01:17:22,578 Seen any films with your look-alike? 1180 01:17:22,870 --> 01:17:25,787 No. Always the same old Noiret! 1181 01:17:26,037 --> 01:17:27,703 - How about you? - No... 1182 01:17:27,953 --> 01:17:30,912 You should see the latest. It'd amuse you. 1183 01:17:31,203 --> 01:17:32,203 What's it about? 1184 01:17:32,453 --> 01:17:35,620 A story about look-alikes, with Carole Bouquet. 1185 01:17:35,995 --> 01:17:36,828 Cut! 1186 01:17:37,745 --> 01:17:41,537 There are two guys in the shot! Didn't you notice? 1187 01:17:41,787 --> 01:17:44,328 Gentlemen, we're making a film. Please move. 1188 01:17:45,078 --> 01:17:46,620 Sorry! Excuse us! 1189 01:17:48,245 --> 01:17:50,662 Right... Action! 1190 01:17:51,787 --> 01:17:54,078 Another delightful day in store! 1191 01:17:54,328 --> 01:17:55,995 Let's push on to the park. 1192 01:17:56,245 --> 01:17:58,203 Gentlemen! 1193 01:17:58,912 --> 01:18:01,037 Fancy being in the movies? 1194 01:18:02,037 --> 01:18:05,453 Be in the movies! We need two waiters. 1195 01:18:05,703 --> 01:18:08,495 - If you're interested... - No thank you! 1196 01:18:08,745 --> 01:18:11,412 Come on, mate! Don't let's hang about! 1197 01:18:14,662 --> 01:18:15,828 What are the conditions? 1198 01:18:17,370 --> 01:18:18,495 How much do you want? 1199 01:18:18,745 --> 01:18:21,370 Not less than 2500 a day. 1200 01:18:21,662 --> 01:18:25,037 Then there's our expenses. We don't live in Paris. 1201 01:18:25,287 --> 01:18:26,620 We work in London. 1202 01:18:26,870 --> 01:18:29,537 And the caravan. That's important... 1203 01:18:29,745 --> 01:18:31,495 Take them to make-up. 1204 01:18:31,703 --> 01:18:34,120 We'll start when they're ready. 1205 01:18:46,703 --> 01:18:50,078 Take these gentlemen to make-up. Quick, we're waiting.